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THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
Dated: December 25 2022
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On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...a Partridge in a pear tree! What a strange gift! Imagine the abuse I have suffered over the years from this bloody song.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...two turtle doves. I guess they were meant to be friends for the Partridge in the pear tree! The issue I am starting to have here is the clean up. Also we have a giant black cat that is looking at these new pets as if they would make a great snack.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...three French hens! Now, let's be honest here - why would someone give three French hens as a gift? I mean, we're not exactly talking about the most practical present. Not only do they take up space and require constant care, but they don't even lay eggs! But, hey - my true love was just trying to be romantic and make me smile. So for that, I thank them!
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...four calling birds. Now this present is a bit more reasonable than three French hens in its practicality, but not by much. I like birds and all, but four? That's a lot of chirping! Although it's a sweet thought from my true love - it's probably best if they don't give me any more birds going forward.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...five golden rings! This time we're talking about an actual gift that is both practical and romantic. Five golden rings - one for each finger! What a generous gift from my true love! I can wear these around all year round and think fondly of their thoughtful nature - thanks, true love!
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...six geese a laying! Talk about a lot of eggs! This is getting ridiculous. I guess my true love was really trying to make up for the three French hens by giving me six geese that actually lay eggs. But now I need to find homes for them all - this is getting out of hand!
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...seven swans a swimming! What am I going to do with seven swans? The neighbours are starting to talk and it's only day seven! I'm running out of room in my house, and they haven't even gotten to the eight maids a milking yet!
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...eight maids a milking! Now, this is the last straw - I can't even begin to comprehend how I'm going to fit eight cows in my house. But hey - that's the joy of true love for you, right? They just keep giving and giving and never expect anything in return.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...nine ladies dancing! This is getting even crazier. At least now I can finally say that I have a dance troupe at my disposal! It will come in handy when it comes time to plan any upcoming events.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...ten lords a leaping! This is getting a bit too much - I mean, where are all these lords going to jump and let alone sleep? My house isn't that big.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...eleven pipers piping! Wow, what an ensemble! The sound must have been incredible. But it was also kind of terrifying - I'm sure the neighbours were wondering what on earth was happening in my house!
And finally, on the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...twelve drummers drumming! This is like something out of a nightmare. With twelve drummers pounding away in harmony, it really felt like I had stepped into another world completely.
Merry Christmas everyone, and may your twelve days of Christmas be filled with things that make you smile! From funny to practical, it's the thought that counts - so don't forget to thank your true love this holiday season.
Oh ya, incase you were wondering...the twelve days of Christmas starts December 25th. Cheers!
Paul Partridge
Paul was born in Barrie and raised on military bases around the world. Living a bit of a nomad lifestyle through the military, Paul has a solid understanding of what is required to picking up and mov....
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